I woke up this morning and let myself linger in bed a bit longer instead of jumping up to tackle my mile long “to do” list for today. I thought to myself, “I haven’t really felt God this week.” The first response that popped into my mind was “Why hasn’t God been present?” And then I had to chuckle to myself. I just wrote a blog post last week about being Mary in this season of Merry. Of course the enemy is going to distract me from following my own words with a sense of apathy or one of failure. Either way, I decide I shouldn’t write what I can’t do myself, so I abandon the thought of a blog altogether. Nope. I’m not giving up that easily, satan!

And then I started thinking about feelings. Feelings are fickle and not dependable. How many times have I told married couples that “Love is not a feeling. It is a choice!”? If I only love my husband when I feel it, then I would be a terrible wife. When I am deep in thought with my “other job” working on spreadsheets and reconciling accounts, I don’t “feel” love for my husband. I choose to love him, whether I feel like it or not; whether I am thinking about him or not.

Forgiveness isn’t a feeling either; it is a choice I make every time I remember the offense that I thought I forgave long ago. I have to choose to forget it and to think about something else. Isaiah 43:25 says, “I, even I, am he who blots out your transgressions, for my own sake, and remembers your sins no more” (NIV). The God of the Universe, who knows everything, has not forgotten my sins. How could an omniscient God forget anything? He does not forget; he chooses not to remember.

So, if I am not “feeling” God today, it isn’t because He has left or changed. I need to choose to remember that God will never leave me or forsake me (Hebrews 13:5, NIV). I am going to turn on some worship music and look for God in my day. He’s here. He’ll show me what I have been missing this week. It might be through a deer in my backyard, a heart-shaped rock or leaf, my granddaughter’s belly laugh, or a beautiful sunset. It might be a million little things that He does to show me His love for me throughout the day. And in the end, it might be a feeling of love. But if not, I know I am loved and not forgotten.