Author: jenniferaufrecht

But I Don’t Feel Like It

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I woke up this morning and let myself linger in bed a bit longer instead of jumping up to tackle my mile long “to do” list for today. I thought to myself, “I haven’t really felt God this week.” The first response that popped into my mind was “Why hasn’t God been present?” And then I had to chuckle to myself. I just wrote a blog post last week about being Mary in this season of Merry. Of course the enemy is going to distract me from following my own words with a sense of apathy or one of failure. Either way, I decide I shouldn’t write what I can’t do myself, so I abandon the thought of a blog altogether. Nope. I’m not giving up that easily, satan!

And then I started thinking about feelings. Feelings are fickle and not dependable. How many times have I told married couples that “Love is not a feeling. It is a choice!”? If I only love my husband when I feel it, then I would be a terrible wife. When I am deep in thought with my “other job” working on spreadsheets and reconciling accounts, I don’t “feel” love for my husband. I choose to love him, whether I feel like it or not; whether I am thinking about him or not.

Forgiveness isn’t a feeling either; it is a choice I make every time I remember the offense that I thought I forgave long ago. I have to choose to forget it and to think about something else. Isaiah 43:25 says, “I, even I, am he who blots out your transgressions, for my own sake, and remembers your sins no more” (NIV). The God of the Universe, who knows everything, has not forgotten my sins. How could an omniscient God forget anything? He does not forget; he chooses not to remember.

So, if I am not “feeling” God today, it isn’t because He has left or changed. I need to choose to remember that God will never leave me or forsake me (Hebrews 13:5, NIV). I am going to turn on some worship music and look for God in my day. He’s here. He’ll show me what I have been missing this week. It might be through a deer in my backyard, a heart-shaped rock or leaf, my granddaughter’s belly laugh, or a beautiful sunset. It might be a million little things that He does to show me His love for me throughout the day. And in the end, it might be a feeling of love. But if not, I know I am loved and not forgotten.

Being Mary in the Season of Merry

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I have a few memories of special gifts received at Christmas. My brother and I woke up one Christmas morning to brand new Schwinn bikes: mine a shiny red five-speed and his a special edition red, white, and blue ten-speed. And one year I received a brown leather Thompson Chain Reference Bible (“Christmas 1982” is written inside the front cover). It is a gift I still use on a regular basis! But the best gift was an engagement ring in 1988. Nothing has surpassed the joy of that Christmas gift! It wasn’t an elaborate proposal; it didn’t need to be. It was simply a beautiful ring tied to the zipper of a Seattle Pacific University sweatshirt.

But my favorite memories of the season are not of gifts but rather the time spent with the givers and receivers of gifts. The engagement ring and wedding band is still on my finger thirty-five Christmases later, but the ring is only a symbol of the relationship. There are too many beautiful Christmas memories with my husband to even begin to pick a favorite.

Another of my favorite Christmas memories was the tradition of Christmas shopping and dinner with my dad. He never knew what to get for my mom, so he’d take me with him to help pick out her gifts. Actually, he always had a pretty good idea, and I think he could have done it by himself. But that would not have been nearly as much fun as our date night in the middle of a busy season. It was a night he took me to dinner and talked about life. My dad always has a story to tell or a bit of random information about how something works, but these nights were different. It was kind of like the yearly checkup to make sure everything was good.

At the same time, I am old enough to know that not all Christmas seasons are filled with fond memories. Like the year a chimney fire got away and burned a portion of my grandparents’ house on Christmas morning. I still remember watching the flames shoot up through the roof while crying with my family. But by far the worst Christmas was when my grandma passed away on Christmas Eve. We still had Christmas for the little kids, but no one felt like celebrating that year.

Why am I sharing this? (Sorry, mom, I know I made you cry.) I think it is important that we learn from Mary on the night Jesus was born. After giving birth in the stable, away from home, and a visit from smelly shepherds she didn’t know, the Bible says Mary “treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart” (Luke 2:19, NIV). In the hustle and bustle of trying to learn to nurse a newborn and figure out what to use for a diaper, Luke tells us that Mary valued and appreciated the moment. She took time to reflect on and consider the significance of all that had happened.

What about us? Are we taking the time to appreciate the moments we spend with our loved ones? Don’t get so caught up in all the things of Christmas that we miss the “being” of Christmas. The decor around us touting the “love,” “joy,” “peace,” and “hope” of Christmas are not feelings. They are choices to stop and experience them.

Let’s have a Mary Christmas this year and choose to treasure the things we already have in this season of Merry Christmas.

Music Box Dancer

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Many years ago, my pastor (Rick Kingham) said that he asked God to wake him up to a “song of the day.” Every day was a different song, and that was the song he would focus on throughout the day. It was a special way he communicated with God.

As I have recently moved into a new season of life with a little more time to focus on Jesus, I have started asking God to give me a song of the day because I love to sing. As I wake up in the morning, I pay attention to the song that is in my head. This morning I got up early to fly out to California for an all-staff retreat with my new company. As I was in the shower, I started humming “Music Box Dancer.” I thought, “What in the world, God? What does this song with no lyrics mean to me?”

I thought about a music box. When it is wound up and opened, the little dancer dances her heart out without any thought of an audience. And then God answered my question, “I want you to be who I created you to be. I want you to dance your dance without any regard to what other people think of you this weekend. I want you to let everyone see the real you. I know you are going to be out of your comfort zone with 30 people you don’t really know, but I want you to just trust me and be yourself.”

So I’m here in Oceanside, dancing my heart out. Well, not literally. But I am doing my best to be who God made me to be. Being authentic and letting my guard down. Not hiding behind the “introvert” label. Thank you, God, for holding my hand while I dance. Without you, I would fall flat on my face!

The Elf Shirts

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A couple years ago at Christmas, I found t-shirts that I purchased for my family. They were fun “elf” shirts that said things like “The Writer Elf” and “The Texas Elf.” At least I thought they were fun, but in reality, how often do we wear the labels that others give us? For years I wore “The Fat Elf” and “The Shy Elf” shirt because that’s either a label I gave myself or allowed others to give me. I actually had a whole wardrobe of elf shirts that I wore every day: “The Awkward Elf,” “The Unworthy Elf,” “The Bullied Elf,” “The Ugly Elf”…and the list goes on and on. So many things I believed about myself.

But Jesus.

When I finally stopped wearing the labels I believed about myself and started wearing the labels Jesus gave me, my entire wardrobe changed. And so did my face, my thoughts, my heart. Oh, my soul discovered what it means to love and be loved by God!

Which “elf shirt” or shirts are you wearing? Take off “The Shameful Elf,” “The Stealing Elf,” “The Adulterer Elf,” or “The Unwed Mom Elf” shirt. When God comes into your heart, he removes the labels we wear and gives us new ones: “The Beloved Elf,” “The Chosen Elf,” and most importantly, “This Is My Elf.” Isaiah 43:1 says, “But now, this is what the Lord, your creator, says, O Jacob, and He who formed you, O Israel, ‘Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name; you are mine!'”

What a precious discovery when you realize that God calls you “His child.” Stop listening to what others say about you and believe what God says about you!

This is my first post in my “Barefoot on Holy Ground” blog. Join me on my journey to find rest for our souls in the presence of Jesus. “The Captain of the Lord’s Army said, ‘Remove your sandals from your feet because the place where you are standing is holy.’ And Joshua did so” (Joshua 5:15 AMP).

Let’s take our shoes off and expect God’s presence to make this place holy.